He did what!
by CleverPhoenix
Summary: Ed never cries. It just doesn’t happen. But, one day walking into Headquarters, it seems the unthinkable has happened. Random Parental!RoyEd with a hint of bashing. Funnier than it sounds. One-shot.


**He did what?!**

**Summary: **Ed never cries. It just doesn't happen. But, one day walking into Headquarters, it seems the unthinkable has happened. Random Parental!RoyEd with a hint of bashing. Funnier than it sounds. One-shot.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, except this story plot and my other story plots. Fullmetal Alchemist, as of yet, still doesn't belong to me.

**Warnings:** As always, Ed can't control his tongue so slightly bad language is a definite.

**Author's Notes:** This is just a random short one-shot that wouldn't leave me alone. I just had to write it so I could focus on my other fics and future projects. I HAVE TOO MANY IDEAS!!!!! If you haven't already, please check out my poll for future projects, as I really need to know what to work on first. For now, enjoy the fic.

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He did what?!

It seemed like another normal day in Central, but saying that would be a lie. Nothing was ever normal in Central. What with chimeras, a new serial killer every week and more than a few explosions, Central was never the place for someone settling for a peaceful life. Another example of this was currently walking down the busy streets to headquarters. He was none other than the state alchemist known as Fullmetal. Or perhaps Fullmetal chibi or pipsqueak to the palm tree population. Either way, he was still Edward Elric, currently fifteen years old and walking with Alphonse, his little brother. The sidewalk with flooded with afternoon shoppers clambering to the summer sales that scattered across the street. As per normal for being a shrimp, Ed was crushed more than once by people squishing him between others. This resulted in, as also per normal for him, violence. Five noses were broken via metal fist and poor Al was forced to, as normal for the suit of animated armour, apologise for his brother.

As they finally worked their way through the thickest section of the crowd, even Al was starting to get a little annoyed. Unfortunately for Ed, this did not mean he was annoyed enough to justify knocking the crowd out for calling him short. Thus, the Fullmetal was well and truly pissed as he stomped up the concrete path to the infamous Colonel Bastard (cue lightning and sudden thunder). In all honesty however, both brothers could admit that the Colonel wasn't so bad and was probably most like a father to them. This did not mean, however, that: one, Ed would admit this out loud and in public; and two, he would stop insulting and berating the man. Quite the opposite actually, for he was now trying to more than ever annoy said man. Al could only ever sigh as they argued. He never truly could understand his brother and his wants sometimes.

But, Ed's bad mood suddenly veered south temporarily as his interest was caught at the sight of a shop window. It seemed like a normal shop at first glance, but now that he looked more closely, he could see that it was in fact interesting and had a lot of secrets to hide. Slamming on his brakes, Ed stopped walking suddenly and walked up to the shop. His brother watched in surprise and worry.

"Brother, what are you looking at? Is it something interesting?" He asked curiously. Al hadn't known his brother to look through shop windows often so it had to be quite unique to grab his brother's seemingly oblivious sight. Ed looked back at Al, his brow furrowed as it would when in thought. But what really caught Al's attention was the positively mischievous smirk adorning his face. He knew right then that something was wrong, and that his brother had an evil idea, again.

"It's a cool looking shop. I'm going to check it out. Are you coming?" He asked in fake innocence, but his eyes gave away his evil schemes as they burned in play. His brother heaved a sigh, well, as best as one could sigh with a body of armour.

"Fine. Someone needs to make sure you don't cause trouble." He responded wearily. Ed pouted.

"Since when do I cause trouble?" He asked in mock confusion. Once again, Al sighed, a habit he had picked up from being with his brother for so long.

"Don't bother me with that list right now brother. Let's just go in." Ignoring he brother's yells of protest, they both walked in. The bell rung as they entered, causing an old man to wake with a start. He had been sleeping at his desk due to complete boredom. His old face crinkled into a smirk at the sight of them, particularly Ed.

"Welcome to Classy Calamity. I'm Phil. You two need some help?" The old man asked, eyes never leaving Ed's face. Said blond grinned.

"I'm looking to get some revenge on someone." The man's smirk widened and a look that scared even Edward flashed through his eyes.

"I can help you with that." As he said this, his hand snatched Ed's wrist tightly causing Ed's eyes widened in fear. What would happen? To answer this, the man leaning forward, coming extremely close to Edward's face with the blond unable to break away and Al stunned...

It was nearly an hour later when Ed left the shop with Al, both sprinting as fast as their legs could carry them up to Headquarters. It was now raining, water droplets falling on one and all, not caring if it was someone's ear or mouth. Though this blinded everyone and hid it well, if anyone had bothered to look closely, they would have seen tears flowing freely from Ed's eyes. Yes, Ed was crying.

As he finally arrived at his destination, Ed shifted his head, using his bangs to cover the silver tear tracks staining streaks down his face. Al watched him, concerned of what his brother would do. He knew what happened in that shop and he truly wished that it hadn't. It had been truly awful. They brushed past all in the hallways, barely stopping for a moment to say hi to Hawkeye and the gang, before entering Mustang's office.

Mustang knew something was wrong the moment that Ed didn't break the door down like he normally did when he came to see the Colonel. He then knew just how bad things were when said blond even opened it quietly and shut it afterwards. That only happened if something bad had happened, something really bad. Fearing the worst, he looked up from his never ending mountain of paperwork that seemed to originate from Hawkeye and was protected by said women's pistol, to look closer at the depressed teenager.

"Good afternoon Fullmetal. Mind telling me why you aren't rampaging through here as normal? Not that I'm complaining about the noise, or therefore lack of, just simply curious." Mustang began carefully, not giving away an ounce of his concern which, despite his best efforts, seemed to radiate off of him like waves. An unseen expression crossed Ed's face, before he slowly lifted his head to look the man in the eye. What he saw made Mustang gasp. Edward was crying. The apocalypse had come. Pigs were flying. And I now owned FMA. However, realizing that none of those ridiculous things were actually happening, it suddenly hit Mustang that Ed was crying, but it was in fact very serious, for there was no other reason Ed would cry. He was broken out of his thoughts as said normally golden teen began to speak.

"I was coming to see you." Ed began quietly, a whisper above the din. "But as I came through the crowd, I saw this cool looking shop. This guy who worked in the shop, called P-Phil I think, he grabbed me a-and started leaning closer to me..." He trailed off, looking away with a slight glaze on his normally alert golden eyes. Mustang's own charcoal eyes hardened. He watched as the teenager suddenly shut his eyes tightly. "It was horrible. I didn't know what to do. How could they do that?" Mustang suddenly growled. He knew what must have happened. That didn't mean he liked it though. In fact, it repulsed every fibre of his being.

"Where was this shop?" He asked lowly. Ed looked back to him, noticing he was pulling on the gloves despite the fact it was raining still. Mustang's eyes were as hard as steel.

"It's just away from the main shopping area, on the right side of East Avenue and its called Classy Calamity's." Without any further words, Mustang nodded and stormed through the doors. Ed distinctly heard a shout of "He did what?!" but the rest was mere whispers. The next thing he heard was a car driving off, with all voices disappearing in the background. It was silent for few minutes, then Al suddenly shifted and he turned towards his brother. Ed watched as Al sighed, yet again.

"Brother, you didn't have to make such a big deal about the price of whoopee cushions." He deadpanned. Ed glared.

"Well, who the hell pays that much for a damn whoopee cushion. It'd be cheaper to just buy beans and give them to him." Al's eyes seemed to widen as another scheme filled Ed's mind.

"Brother!"

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I know what you're thinking, very random and strange. But I like it so, it's on here. The reason Al wished he wasn't there was because he found it too embarrassing what Ed did as he through a hissy fit over the price. Well, I'm done here so until next time, REVIEW!!!


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